So after being engaged and living with my one and only girlfriend to date, (yeah we already know I sucked in that department), she decided that she wanted to be with someone else. This totally helped my self-esteem as you can imagine. So being a stupid teenager, (pushing 20's), and not wanting to give up on the situation, I decided I had to go and talk to her. I drove out to where she lived. She was not home. I parked in the street and waited. I waited a long time. A VERY long time! I don't remember what time it was but I do know it was around 2am. (Don't roll your eyes at me! It seemed like a good idea at the time!)
I got bored. I started playing with stuff in my truck. Fidget with this, fidget with that. This apparently was the second or third big mistake (if you're counting). One of the things in my cluttery truck was a cap gun that I had gotten a very long time ago (from a day when a couple teenage boys decided to go buy silly toys at the store).
Let's just say that at 2am, through the glass of a vehicle, a cap gun looks like a real gun ... apparently ... !
Much time has gone by and I've given up playing with that and am just sitting doing nothing. A police car rolls down the street and stops in the middle of the road some distance down the road in front of where I am parked. I see cops get out and at this point I'm thinking, COOL! something wild is going on. I got something to watch to pass the time!
I watch them put on bulletproof vests ...
Wow! This is serious! I wonder what is going on!
I watch them for a while. I look in the mirror and I see more cops behind walking up the road and the sidewalk. Wow! What are the odds?
It was shortly after this point that the very loud voice said ... put your hands where we can see them ... it was also at this point that it was ME they were talking to! I was the major point of interest! Front row seats! What the heck!
The cops close in ... and tell me to put my hands out the rolled down window of the truck.
As soon as I did. One cop grabs my arms and the other cop opens the door to the truck. OH! Did I mention that I was also looking down the barrel of at least TWO very large, black service pistols? Let me just say, NOT the end of the gun you wanna be on!
So after they search me and my truck, they find out that the "gun" is a toy, I think they were disappointed. During the search they found the pocket knife that I always carried (I live on a farm remember) and decided they needed to make this worth while. Now, don't jump to conclusions...the blade length was fine. According to police, it could be opened with one hand with centrifigal force (I didn't think this was the time to tell them that there is no such thing).
As a public announcement: it doesn't matter whether YOU can open a knife one-handed with said fictional force, it only matters that a 6'5" 250lb cop can.
To make the rest of this long story short. I spent the rest of the morning in a jail cell. Oh, and you do get one phone call, it just isn't allowed to be long distance. Here's a clue ... I live long distance from EVERYWHERE! Thanks for nothing! I had to appear in court. I received 1 year probation and 50 hours community service (which was cake ... it was working on a farm on Saturdays, where the farmer liked to not work too hard and take breaks if needed... also, his wife cooked fantastic lunches)
The "gun" charge got dropped, just for the record. I wonder why.
Oh, I forgot to mention. On the way to the police station, handcuffed in the back of the cop car, the officer told me WHY they had been called. Some passerby had claimed I was trying to shoot myself. I may not have been at the smartest stage in my life, (i certainly wouldn't ever consider killing myself), but I don't think I would have considered a cap gun to do the job. It just doesn't seem very effective!
Next: How low can you go?
